I am so close to the end of first year, that it seems unrealistic. Did I actually manage to survive an entire year of university? Then again, without knowing the results of my first year exams, I can't really say I've survived. I'm really eager for the year to end. LIKE, REALLY EAGER. I want to just bum around at home (except I need to find a job). I want to just sit there, and watch Friends or Alias for hours on end, and not have to worry about some school work that I had to do.
The only thing that's bad about the end of this year is the fact that I don't know if I'll be able to maintain my average so that I can keep my scholarship next year. I was talking to a couple of people on my floor who said that you can still renew your scholarship if you have a 79 average, or just 75 and above but with academic probation. I'm sitting at a 77, and I am not pleased. I am worried. I hate to depend on my parents to pay for MY education. This year was fine, because I had my scholarships, bursaries, and OSAP. Unfortunately, with my sister finishing (finally) her university career, I can no longer put on my application for OSAP that I have a sibling that is in post-secondary education. That will most likely reduce how much I get. It felt nice to have been able to pay off school this year without any help from the parents, but I doubt that will happen again next year (or at least it wont end up as well as it did this year). I will have rent to pay, and food to buy. Food that I will have to get myself, here, unlike my sister, who just got food from home everytime my parents drove her back into Waterloo. I'm excited for this independence that I'll get a shot at, an oppurtunity that neither of my sisters really got, seeing how Waterloo was close enough to drive too, and the other one stayed home and commuted. I feel like I'm always such a burden, so I try to never ask for much. So I guess that's the reason that everytime I slack, I feel guilty, because all those hours that I spend not doing work, I could be raising my mark to improve my average, and consequently, would make me less dependent of my parents.
On a seperate, but kind of related topic, I always figured that I'd be the first out of my sisters to move of the house. I don't know. Even living at home, sometimes, I feel like I'm just getting in the way. I consume their food, I'm taking up room, and I'm increasing bill sizes. I guess if I do stay at home a bit, I may start paying rent, just to make myself rest a little better. But the thing is, living on my own here in Kingston, has made me realise how much I like being by myself. Having a roommate, was at first a good idea, but the longer I lived here, I realised how much more at ease and comfortable I felt in my room when my roommate was in class, especially on Wednesdays, when she is gone for a whole three hours for a class; or Sunday mornings when (and if) she goes to Church. I like the silence that the floor has at random times. Yeah, I realise that having someone so close is convenient when I'm feeling alone and bored, but I can stay entertained by myself; all I really need is my computer and I have access to almost anything I need.
This is sad, isn't it? LOL

Anyway, rant over. I have a schedule to stick to.